


Three Little Words

by celeryy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Chick-Flick Moments, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeryy/pseuds/celeryy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the angels fall from Heaven, Castiel decides it would be best for him to leave the Winchesters. Dean catches him trying to sneak out of the bunker and tries to convince him to stay, with increasing desperation.</p><p>  <i>On the other side of the room, Dean was starting to crumble. He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. Glanced down at his feet. Tried for a wry smile and failed.</i></p><p>  <i>“I- I mean, do I have to- ?...Are you gonna make me stand here and spell it out to you?”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Written between seasons 8 and 9. So not compliant with season 9 plot, obviously.  
> What even is POV?...
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, Dean... He tries his damndest. He really does.

* * *

“Cas- what’re you doing?”  
  
Castiel froze with his hand on the heavy door handle.

“I’m leaving.”  
  
 _No_...no, that couldn’t be true. Cas could not leave. Not _now_.

Dean felt his heart sinking and panic setting in as he realized Cas meant it. The heavy backpack slung over his shoulder was red-handed proof.  
  
“Why?” he demanded.  
  
“Because I’m useless, Dean. There’s nothing I can do here.”  
  
Surely he didn’t mean that?  
  
“Cas, that’s not true. Where the Hell are you gonna go?”  
  
“...I don’t know.”  
  
 _It doesn’t matter. Please let go of me._  
  
The metal handle was growing warm under Castiel’s hand, as his palm started to sweat. He gripped it harder but didn’t open the door. His arm remained paralyzed.  
  
“Cas...”  
  
The pleading note in Dean’s voice hurt like an aching burn.  
  
“... _don’t_ leave.”  
  
Cas wished his arm would move. If he’d left already he wouldn’t have to be standing here, feeling like this.  
  
“Give me a good reason not to.”  
  
Dean felt the words like a slap in the face. His blood boiled.

“Are you serious?! What about me and Sam, huh? You’re our _friend_. We’ve gotta look out for each other.”  
  
“You and Sam- “  
  
“After everything we’ve been through together, you can’t tell me we’re not like family to you!”  
  
Castiel paused. Collected himself.

“You and Sam...will get along fine without me. As you’ve proven time and again. In any case, I’ve only ever managed to make things more difficult for you.”  
  
The words tasted bitter on his tongue.  
  
“Every time I think I’m doing the right thing, I-...”

He broke off helplessly. There was suddenly a tightness in his throat that made it difficult to breathe.  
  
“Dean, I _broke_. _Heaven_.”  
  
“It wasn’t your fault- ”  
  
“I brought the Leviathans out of Purgatory.”  
  
“Then _help us_ hunt them, dammit!”  
  
“Dean, I _can’t_. Everything I touch, is- _ruined_.”  
  
God, _no_. He didn’t really believe that, did he?  
  
“You _can’t_ think like that, man. We’ve all made mistakes, okay? Me, Sam, you - _all_ of us. It’s in the past. You’ve _gotta_ let it go. Anyways, look on the bright side- no more angel mojo means it’ll be that much harder for you to royally screw up the universe.”  
  
“You and Sam have always managed to exceed expectations in that respect.”  
  
Dean almost smiled at that.  
  
“Well, we’re just somethin’ special.”  
  
Cas was silent for a long time.  
  
“I don’t see...how you think this is going to work out,” he finally said, his voice soft. “I’m even worse at being human than I was a being an angel.”  
  
“No.”  
  
Castiel couldn’t see Dean, but he could practically feel the fervent head shake that went along with the word.  
  
“ _No_. That’s bullshit! _Leaving_ isn’t gonna fix anything, and you know it. And who even _gives_ a damn?!”  
  
Castiel chuckled once, dryly.

“As ever, Dean, your relentless optimism is a force to be reckoned with.”  
  
“What’s this really about, Cas? Huh? What’re you so afraid of?”  
  
Cas took a deep breath and let it out. He shouldn’t still be standing here, letting Dean put second thoughts into his head. He should turn the doorknob and leave and not look back. He should already be gone.  
  
Instead he opened his mouth, against his better judgement.  
  
“If I stay, I’ll-...”  
  
He wanted to make Dean understand why it was better for everyone if he ran far away and didn’t look back.

But oh, the truth _hurt_.  
  
“I don’t want...to disappoint you. Again.”  
  
Silence.  
  
“It _will_ happen.”  
  
There it was.  
  
Dean couldn’t possibly argue _that_ , could he? Cas was surprised at how devastated he felt for having won the argument. The burning ache in his chest now felt like angry flames, tearing at the inside of his ribcage.  
  
He started when Dean laughed. Actually _laughed_ out loud. And it sounded half desperate, half relieved.  
  
“ _Disappoint_ me?” Dean asked. “Cas, that’s not- ”  
  
He cut off. Swallowed guiltily.  
  
“Listen, I know I’ve said some stuff in the past...a-an’ I’ve been, well, really _damn_ mad at you, ‘cause you’ve pulled some real crap, I’m not denying it. Uh- and so have I, I mean-...”  
  
He felt himself talking too fast, in a rush to tell Cas everything he needed to hear.  
  
“But we pull through, okay? Every time. That’s the important part. We stay, and...and we look out for each other. Because we’re...we...”  
  
His throat suddenly felt stuck. He coughed.

“And the rest of it; ‘disappointing me’, or whatever the hell...It’s not _about_ that, okay? That- that shouldn’t even be a _factor_.”  
  
No?...  
  
Cas paused, letting Dean’s words sink in.

It brought him up short. The flames evaporated, leaving his chest feeling strangely numb. Cas narrowed his eyes, as if looking harder could help him see Dean’s meaning more clearly.  
  
“What is it about, then?”  
  
Again, even though Dean stood out of his line of sight, he could almost hear the man scrubbing a hand over his face in pained frustration.  
  
“ _Seriously_?...” Dean’s voice faltered at the end. It felt raw and fragile.

“Don’t you...don’t you get it, Cas?”  
  
He hesitated, clearly wishing Cas might jump in to complete the thought for him.

But no...evidently not.  
  
“I don’t wanna lose you again.”  
  
The heavy weight of shame pulled Castiel’s head towards his chest. His eyes and nose felt uncomfortably hot. It was still an unfamiliar sensation, being about to cry, with an actual body rather than a vessel. Everything felt more intense, more immediate. He didn’t like it.  
  
On the other side of the room, Dean was starting to crumble. He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. Glanced down at his feet. Tried for a wry smile and failed.  
  
“I- I mean, do I have to- ?...Are you gonna make me stand here and spell it out to you?”  
  
Dean didn’t think he’d ever felt more exposed in his entire life. His heart was beginning to pound in his chest like it wanted out. Even standing there sweating under two layers of clothing and a heavy jacket, he felt completely naked.  
  
This was _it_. Really, truly the last chance. The moment of truth.

He didn’t think he could do this.  
  
“I...Cas, I-......” His voice was a broken whisper.  
  
“I really don’t want you to go.”  
  
 _He couldn’t._

_He couldn’t..._

He hoped Cas had heard him anyways.  
  
“Please, Cas?”  
  
The silent seconds stretching out from that moment felt endless. He didn’t want to break them, because he was afraid that when Castiel finally moved it would be to leave.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“What?”  
  
The air went still. Dean thought he might have imagined the word until Cas let his hand drop away from the doorknob. The backpack slid heavily off his shoulders and dropped to the floor with a decisive _thump_.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He turned around slowly, finally looking up to meet Dean’s eyes with that million-mile stare.  
  
Dean took a hesitant step forward, like he was in a daze. Or like maybe he hadn’t heard correctly, and if he moved too fast Cas would spook and disappear into thin air, like he used to.  
  
When he stayed resolute, Dean exhaled the shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and rushed forward, pulling Cas into a crushing hug. His head fell into Castiel’s shoulder as he nearly sobbed out loud with relief.  
  
At first Cas just felt blindsided, but eventually he started to relax, and slowly, slowly moved his arms up and linked them around Dean’s back, returning the embrace.  
  
Dean let out a soft, slightly watery chuckle.

“Christ, Cas, you _scared_ me.”  
  
It was okay to admit it now - now that he knew the fear had nothing to stand on.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Everything’s gonna be fine, y’hear?”  
  
“Okay, Dean.”  
  
Dean sniffed, and Cas considerately pretended not to notice.  
  
“You can be a real idiot sometimes, you know that?”  
  
Cas nodded thoughtfully, chin bumping into Dean’s shoulder. He felt his ribs creak as Dean pulled him in even tighter.  
  
“If you ever so much as _think_ about running off again,” he muttered warningly, “I will personally smash your face in.”  
  
Cas sighed, and he couldn’t help a small, tired smile.  
  
“...I love you too, Dean.”


End file.
